Faith

As a pastor & chaplain, I often am in the position to tout about "keepin' the faith" and trusting in God's plan. I gotta tell ya, that's so much easier when it has nothing to do w/ your own personal life.

My youngest, Maggie, had some kidney problems when she was born; but after what appeared to be a successful surgery, everything was fine. Yesterday, the kids & I drove down to Children's Hospital for a check up & it looks like the kidney's having problems again. The right one looks overly large & full and the left one is bigger than normal size and empty. What that means is the left kidney is compensating for the right one and she'll need surgery again. Hopefully, she'll only need a stint to be put in and things will go back to normal. Worse case scenario - she'll lose the kidney.

Now before I worked in a hospital and really began to learn about how important kidneys were, I would have been like, "ok; she'll be fine w/ one kidney." But now I know that can lead to so many other things; very complicated things.

I guess it's time to stare in the mirror and start preaching to myself. Fortunately, it really doesn't matter what I do... God IS faithful and sovereign IN ALL THINGS. Now if only I would listen to myself.

Bono up for Nobel Prize... again

Bono is up for the Nobel prize again for his work against global poverty. Someone I indirectly know (yet likes to voice judgemental opinions in my direction) believes that Bono is extremely pompous and doesn't know anything; he's just a lobbyist, none of this behavior has anything to do with his faith. My response:

HELL YEAH he's a lobbyist and frankly, I believe it would be irresponsible for him not to lobby and petition people and governments on behalf of the poor. He's been blessed w/ a certain place in society, similar to Oprah & Bill Gates (who also lobby on behalf of the widows & orphans -- shall we pooh-pooh them as well?), and I believe is very aware that all he has here, will stay here; so, he's doing the most he can w/ it here.

I personally feel Bono is doing a great deal for the Kingdom of God being a voice for the poor. Because of his power and wealth, he can accomplish a great deal more than myself. Now, that doesn't let me (or the rest of the church) off the hook of course...

but what do I know? I'm just a pomo chick doing my best to love & serve the Lord...

puppy-dom

We got a black lab puppy not to long ago and she's great, absolutely wonderful w/ the kids and after 10 days seems to be getting the the whole house-training thing; especially now that we got a crate. And what's really cool is the kids like to play in the crate to; so when I need a break from them...

Super Bowl Commercials

So according to TiVO, the top commercial during the Super Bowl on Sunday was from Ameriquest mortgage (I think - whoever said the "don't judge") and basically the premise was this:

A crowded airplane at night, a woman gets up, there's turbelance, she loses her balance and lands in some guy's lap. The compartment lights turn on and everybody sees her sitting on him and he looks confused. People aren't to judge b/c of the embarrassing position she's in. She's facing him, STRADDLED on his lap, blouse has popped open, and he has one of those sleep masks that he's now pushed up and it looks like a black bra on his head.

I think you all can get the picture.

Now, I'm not gonna get all RR on you, or all psycho-fem either, but WHERE THE HELL'S THE FCC NOW? Aside from the obvious objectification of women (had to throw it in there - and don't even get me started on those "godaddy.com" or whatever ads), how is it ok for kids to see a 30 sec ad eluding to people having sex and not ok for a 3 sec "wardrobe malfunction"?

I'm disgusted b/c of the hypocrisy. Parents, teachers, doctors, caregivers are afraid to be blunt about good touch v. bad touch, but in 4th/5th grade they can learn about condoms. Christians are ok w/ Brittney Spears b/c she once mentioned being Baptist, but freak out that kids read HARRY POTTER. We like that Jesus came for the tax-collectors & prostitutes, but we don't really want them to come to church (only the Salvation Army).

Anyways... I could go on and on, but hopefully you see why I found this ridiculous.

If you didn't hear about this or have a chance to read this yet, please, take a few moments and read Bono's "homily" at the National Prayer Breakfast. It's a radical call & message to the church and to this country. It really impressed me. Don't you just love it when the voice of God rings out loud and strong and right thru the BS? Especially from someone NOT in "religious circles"?

Bono's best sermon yet: Remarks at the National Prayer Breakfast

[RUSH TRANSCRIPT: CHECK AGAINST DELIVERED REMARKS]
If you're wondering what I'm doing here, at a prayer breakfast, well, so am I. I'm certainly not here as a man of the cloth, unless that cloth is leather. It's certainly not because I'm a rock star. Which leaves one possible explanation: I'm here because I've got a messianic complex.
Yes, it's true. And for anyone who knows me, it's hardly a revelation.
Well, I'm the first to admit that there's something unnatural...something unseemly...about rock stars mounting the pulpit and preaching at presidents, and then disappearing to their villas in the south of France. Talk about a fish out of water. It was weird enough when Jesse Helms showed up at a U2 concert...but this is really weird, isn't it?
You know, one of the things I love about this country is its separation of church and state. Although I have to say: in inviting me here, both church and state have been separated from something else completely: their mind.
Mr. President, are you sure about this?
It's very humbling and I will try to keep my homily brief. But be warned - I'm Irish.
I'd like to talk about the laws of man, here in this city where those laws are written. And I'd like to talk about higher laws. It would be great to assume that the one serves the other; that the laws of man serve these higher laws...but of course, they don't always. And I presume that, in a sense, is why you're here.
I presume the reason for this gathering is that all of us here - Muslims, Jews, Christians - all are searching our souls for how to better serve our family, our community, our nation, our God.
I know I am. Searching, I mean. And that, I suppose, is what led me here, too.
Yes, it's odd, having a rock star here - but maybe it's odder for me than for you. You see, I avoided religious people most of my life. Maybe it had something to do with having a father who was Protestant and a mother who was Catholic in a country where the line between the two was, quite literally, a battle line. Where the line between church and state was...well, a little blurry, and hard to see.
I remember how my mother would bring us to chapel on Sundays... and my father used to wait outside. One of the things that I picked up from my father and my mother was the sense that religion often gets in the way of God.
For me, at least, it got in the way. Seeing what religious people, in the name of God, did to my native land...and in this country, seeing God's second-hand car salesmen on the cable TV channels, offering indulgences for cash...in fact, all over the world, seeing the self-righteousness roll down like a mighty stream from certain corners of the religious establishment...
I must confess, I changed the channel. I wanted my MTV.
Even though I was a believer.
Perhaps because I was a believer.
I was cynical...not about God, but about God's politics. (There you are, Jim.)
Then, in 1997, a couple of eccentric, septuagenarian British Christians went and ruined my shtick - my reproachfulness. They did it by describing the millennium, the year 2000, as a Jubilee year, as an opportunity to cancel the chronic debts of the world's poorest people. They had the audacity to renew the Lord's call - and were joined by Pope John Paul II, who, from an Irish half-Catholic's point of view, may have had a more direct line to the Almighty.
'Jubilee' - why 'Jubilee'?
What was this year of Jubilee, this year of our Lord's favor?
I'd always read the scriptures, even the obscure stuff. There it was in Leviticus (25:35)...
'If your brother becomes poor,' the scriptures say, 'and cannot maintain himself...you shall maintain him.... You shall not lend him your money at interest, not give him your food for profit.'
It is such an important idea, Jubilee, that Jesus begins his ministry with this. Jesus is a young man, he's met with the rabbis, impressed everyone, people are talking. The elders say, he's a clever guy, this Jesus, but he hasn't done much...yet. He hasn't spoken in public before...
When he does, is first words are from Isaiah: 'The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,' he says, 'because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.' And Jesus proclaims the year of the Lord's favour, the year of Jubilee (Luke 4:18).
What he was really talking about was an era of grace - and we're still in it.
So fast-forward 2,000 years. That same thought, grace, was made incarnate - in a movement of all kinds of people. It wasn't a bless-me club... it wasn't a holy huddle. These religious guys were willing to get out in the streets, get their boots dirty, wave the placards, follow their convictions with actions...making it really hard for people like me to keep their distance. It was amazing. I almost started to like these church people.
But then my cynicism got another helping hand.
It was what Colin Powell, a five-star general, called the greatest W.M.D. of them all: a tiny little virus called AIDS. And the religious community, in large part, missed it. The ones that didn't miss it could only see it as divine retribution for bad behaviour. Even on children...even [though the] fastest growing group of HIV infections were married, faithful women.
Aha, there they go again! I thought to myself judgmentalism is back!
But in truth, I was wrong again. The church was slow but the church got busy on this the leprosy of our age.
Love was on the move.
Mercy was on the move.
God was on the move.
Moving people of all kinds to work with others they had never met, never would have cared to meet...conservative church groups hanging out with spokesmen for the gay community, all singing off the same hymn sheet on AIDS...soccer moms and quarterbacks...hip-hop stars and country stars. This is what happens when God gets on the move: crazy stuff happens!
Popes were seen wearing sunglasses!
Jesse Helms was seen with a ghetto blaster!
Crazy stuff. Evidence of the spirit.
It was breathtaking. Literally. It stopped the world in its tracks.
When churches started demonstrating on debt, governments listened - and acted. When churches starting organising, petitioning, and even - that most unholy of acts today, God forbid, lobbying...on AIDS and global health, governments listened - and acted.
I'm here today in all humility to say: you changed minds; you changed policy; you changed the world.
Look, whatever thoughts you have about God, who He is or if He exists, most will agree that if there is a God, He has a special place for the poor. In fact, the poor are where God lives.
Check Judaism. Check Islam. Check pretty much anyone.
I mean, God may well be with us in our mansions on the hill. I hope so. He may well be with us as in all manner of controversial stuff. Maybe, maybe not. But the one thing we can all agree, all faiths and ideologies, is that God is with the vulnerable and poor.
God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them. "If you remove the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness, and if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom with become like midday and the Lord will continually guide you and satisfy your desire in scorched places."
It's not a coincidence that in the scriptures, poverty is mentioned more than 2,100 times. It's not an accident. That's a lot of air time, 2,100 mentions. (You know, the only time Christ is judgmental is on the subject of the poor.) 'As you have done it unto the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me' (Matthew 25:40). As I say, good news to the poor.
Here's some good news for the president. After 9/11 we were told America would have no time for the world's poor. America would be taken up with its own problems of safety. And it's true these are dangerous times, but America has not drawn the blinds and double-locked the doors.
In fact, you have doubled aid to Africa. You have tripled funding for global health. Mr. President, your emergency plan for AIDS relief and support for the Global Fund - you and Congress - have put 700,000 people onto life-saving anti-retroviral drugs and provided 8 million bed nets to protect children from malaria.
Outstanding human achievements. Counterintuitive. Historic. Be very, very proud.
But here's the bad news. From charity to justice, the good news is yet to come. There is much more to do. There's a gigantic chasm between the scale of the emergency and the scale of the response.
And finally, it's not about charity after all, is it? It's about justice.
Let me repeat that: It's not about charity, it's about justice.
And that's too bad.
Because you're good at charity. Americans, like the Irish, are good at it. We like to give, and we give a lot, even those who can't afford it.
But justice is a higher standard. Africa makes a fool of our idea of justice; it makes a farce of our idea of equality. It mocks our pieties, it doubts our concern, it questions our commitment.
Sixty-five hundred Africans are still dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease, for lack of drugs we can buy at any drug store. This is not about charity, this is about justice and equality.
Because there's no way we can look at what's happening in Africa and, if we're honest, conclude that deep down, we really accept that Africans are equal to us. Anywhere else in the world, we wouldn't accept it. Look at what happened in South East Asia with the tsunami. 150,000 lives lost to that misnomer of all misnomers, "mother nature." In Africa, 150,000 lives are lost every month. A tsunami every month. And it's a completely avoidable catastrophe.
It's annoying but justice and equality are mates. Aren't they? Justice always wants to hang out with equality. And equality is a real pain.
You know, think of those Jewish sheep-herders going to meet the Pharaoh, mud on their shoes, and the Pharaoh says, "Equal?" A preposterous idea: rich and poor are equal? And they say, "Yeah, 'equal,' that's what it says here in this book. We're all made in the image of God."
And eventually the Pharaoh says, "OK, I can accept that. I can accept the Jews - but not the blacks."
"Not the women. Not the gays. Not the Irish. No way, man."
So on we go with our journey of equality.
On we go in the pursuit of justice.
We hear that call in the ONE Campaign, a growing movement of more than 2 million Americans...Left and Right together... united in the belief that where you live should no longer determine whether you live.
We hear that call even more powerfully today, as we mourn the loss of Coretta Scott King - mother of a movement for equality, one that changed the world but is only just getting started. These issues are as alive as they ever were; they just change shape and cross the seas.
Preventing the poorest of the poor from selling their products while we sing the virtues of the free market...that's a justice issue. Holding children to ransom for the debts of their grandparents...that's a justice issue. Withholding life-saving medicines out of deference to the Office of Patents...that's a justice issue.
And while the law is what we say it is, God is not silent on the subject.
That's why I say there's the law of the land¿. And then there is a higher standard. There's the law of the land, and we can hire experts to write them so they benefit us, so the laws say it's OK to protect our agriculture but it's not OK for African farmers to do the same, to earn a living?
As the laws of man are written, that's what they say.
God will not accept that.
Mine won't, at least. Will yours?
[ pause]
I close this morning on...very...thin...ice.
This is a dangerous idea I've put on the table: my God vs. your God, their God vs. our God...vs. no God. It is very easy, in these times, to see religion as a force for division rather than unity.
And this is a town - Washington - that knows something of division.
But the reason I am here, and the reason I keep coming back to Washington, is because this is a town that is proving it can come together on behalf of what the scriptures call the least of these.
This is not a Republican idea. It is not a Democratic idea. It is not even, with all due respect, an American idea. Nor it is unique to any one faith.
'Do to others as you would have them do to you' (Luke 6:30). Jesus says that.
'Righteousness is this: that one should...give away wealth out of love for him to the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the wayfarer and the beggars and for the emancipation of the captives.' The Koran says that (2.177).
Thus sayeth the Lord: 'Bring the homeless poor into the house, when you see the naked, cover him, then your light will break out like the dawn and your recovery will speedily spring fourth, then your Lord will be your rear guard.' The Jewish scripture says that. Isaiah 58 again.
That is a powerful incentive: 'The Lord will watch your back.' Sounds like a good deal to me, right now.
A number of years ago, I met a wise man who changed my life. In countless ways, large and small, I was always seeking the Lord's blessing. I was saying, you know, I have a new song, look after it¿. I have a family, please look after them¿. I have this crazy idea...
And this wise man said: stop.
He said, stop asking God to bless what you're doing.
Get involved in what God is doing - because it's already blessed.
Well, God, as I said, is with the poor. That, I believe, is what God is doing.
And that is what he's calling us to do.
I was amazed when I first got to this country and I learned how much some churchgoers tithe. Up to 10% of the family budget. Well, how does that compare with the federal budget, the budget for the entire American family? How much of that goes to the poorest people in the world? Less than 1%.
Mr. President, Congress, people of faith, people of America:
I want to suggest to you today that you see the flow of effective foreign assistance as tithing.... Which, to be truly meaningful, will mean an additional 1% of the federal budget tithed to the poor.
What is 1%?
1% is not merely a number on a balance sheet.
1% is the girl in Africa who gets to go to school, thanks to you. 1% is the AIDS patient who gets her medicine, thanks to you. 1% is the African entrepreneur who can start a small family business thanks to you. 1% is not redecorating presidential palaces or money flowing down a rat hole. This 1% is digging waterholes to provide clean water.
1% is a new partnership with Africa, not paternalism toward Africa, where increased assistance flows toward improved governance and initiatives with proven track records and away from boondoggles and white elephants of every description.
America gives less than 1% now. We're asking for an extra 1% to change the world. to transform millions of lives - but not just that and I say this to the military men now - to transform the way that they see us.
1% is national security, enlightened economic self-interest, and a better, safer world rolled into one. Sounds to me that in this town of deals and compromises, 1% is the best bargain around.
These goals - clean water for all; school for every child; medicine for the afflicted, an end to extreme and senseless poverty - these are not just any goals; they are the Millennium Development goals, which this country supports. And they are more than that. They are the Beatitudes for a globalised world.
Now, I'm very lucky. I don't have to sit on any budget committees. And I certainly don't have to sit where you do, Mr. President. I don't have to make the tough choices.
But I can tell you this:
To give 1% more is right. It's smart. And it's blessed.
There is a continent - Africa - being consumed by flames.
I truly believe that when the history books are written, our age will be remembered for three things: the war on terror, the digital revolution, and what we did - or did not to - to put the fire out in Africa.
History, like God, is watching what we do.
Thank you. Thank you, America, and God bless you all.

Pity me

I'm sick and feel like poop! Plus two of my kids have been puking all night! I want my mommy! Ugh. Well, at least I could vent to someone. Thanks.

Brokeback Mountain

I had the opportunity to see Brokeback Mountain this afternoon. I can see why it's too much for some and maybe it is another "hollywood agenda" thing, but it's a film worth seeing; whether you're gay or straight. To be a civilized human being and to treat all people justly, it's pretty valuable to see. It will certainly make you think.

For me, I think I had to see it for a totally different reason than just the controversy. Even while on his deathbed breathing his last moments after a very undignified battle with AIDS, my brother wouldn't come out to me. Not that I asked, and really, it doesn't matter. But I can't help myself whenever there's a gay thing - movie/tv show/ whatever - I've got to see it. I feel like it's the only way I have left to connect to him and to finally get to know him. I think this movie really hit me b/c like my family, there was so much communicated through silence; for good and bad. And too much sadness, leads to great lonliness.

Where this puts me on the gay marriage issue, I don't know. Where this puts me in ministry and church planting, I don't know. I know it's ok to be a little confused and unsure, so I think that's where I'll be for awhile.

so whiney...

So, in reviewing my last blog, I don't blame anyone for not commenting. Could I be more whiney?? Since then, Bill & I went on a pastor's retreat and wow did that help put my insignificance in perspective! What I mean is doing ministry is really a priviledge and the call alone should be enough. It's not about being a good friend and having people like me; it's about serving HIM with all that I am, knowing that my greatest reward will be hearing him say, "well done, good & faithful servant." Seriously people, shut me down next time I sound so pathetic!

On a positive note, we've started weekly prayer meetings in our church and it's been amazing seeing God already respond. When I say prayer meeting, by the way, we're coming together with no agenda or even specific needs, but rather waiting on & seeking the Lord to hear what he desires for this community. Then we pray that back to him. It's funny how you know you should pray, but it doesn't always happen; and then you do pray and total God stuff happens.

He is SO GOOD! psalm 86

what is about this time of year?

What's the deal with fall? I love this time of year -- the crisp days, the amazing colors, the settling in every night with the family... so cozy. And yet, I experience such death and depression. What I'm refering to this year is the unfortunate, harsh reality that I am not a good friend. My reason for saying this: I recently learned of someone I know truly struggling with life and literally on the verge of a breakdown. But she has no desire to turn to me. Not that I'm all that cool, but apparently, I'm not all that trustworthy. Facing this sucks. And the trick then is realizing this hurts, yes, but I'm still commanded to risk again and to be vulnerable, and to attempt to trust again; even if I am judged unworthy.

Anyway, if anyone out there has advice on this, feel free...

a delayed Happy New Year

So, I've been such a slacker with blogging. Of course, I wasn't even sure if anyone read this stuff other than me... I'm such a people pleaser! Life has been interesting now that I've returned to work. Granted, it's only 2 days a week and it's in ministry, but it's taken awhile for our family to adjust. And I'm still not totally into the swing of things. Example: I let the kids and myself play "hookie" today. We're just constantly running it seems and I can tell they're getting worn out and that's code for getting sick. We needed a sabbath day. Unfortunately in a life consumed with ministry and God, that often gets overlooked. Plus, you put in my total lacksadaisical (sp?) attitude... it takes me forever to accomplish anything it seems. Take the kitchen floor -- it's disgusting. I haven't scrubbed it in easily 2 if not 3 months. I know, gross, right? I'd rather just hang out though and relax with my kids.

Anyway, 2005 has proved itself to be a true year of grace and promise. We went and bought ourselves a house the other day. So amazing... God's provided the downpayment and we're approved for a wheda loan (1st time homebuyers) and WE are going to actually own an abode. I'm still freaking out. June 23 we close -- I think I'll believe it then.

call me chaplain?

I've suddenly become a grown up at 35! I can't believe I have a real job suddenly with stuff like 401k and after x hours, I'm vested. I'm not even sure what the hell that all means, but there sure is some sense of urgency to save my pennies for a rainy day.

Seriously though, I've been hired by a local hospital as a pastoral care associate (chaplain). Although somewhat daunting working for the healthcare industry, the ministry opportunities are amazing. I witnessed today my first POA (power of attorney); specifically a "Living Will." It was so intense and powerful. The authority in this man's voice to know and choose how he would die was just amazing. I actually began to get a bit emotional at the thought of so nearly touching death. Powerful and intense are the only words I can find.

Then later, after some tedious paperwork, I was able to go out and introduce myself to some families waiting for news about loved ones. It was like riding a bike. You see, prior to my eldest's entrance into this world, I worked full time in ministry. Wasn't sure if I was cut out for it; but after getting this job, and especially after today, I can't help but minister. I can't help but share God's love and hope and peace. I just can't help myself and it feels good getting back into it.

Anyway, sorry I haven't written in ages. I'm hoping to improve now. Blessings...

Patience

Patience. Funny thing about this fruit is how freegin impossible it is to have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Earlier this year, I was spending A LOT of time in the Old Testament, specifically in Ezekiel. I know, light stuff. Anyway, I was really blown away by the amount of time life took several millennia ago and the amount of time people spent waiting on God and the amount of time He took to respond. Little did I know how quickly my patience would be tried during the second half of the year.

I've had a strong sense for awhile now, that God was about to move in a big way in my life and this church plant. Physically, what I have seen and what I have experienced has been the complete opposite. People leaving, gossiping about us, trying to detroy us, or at least my husband; and this little community shrinking to 8 including my 3 kids. Yet still I hear the same message, the same command: PRAY & HOPE & WAIT; PRAY & HOPE & WAIT; IT'S COMING!

Then I question, what exactly is IT and really, how much nagging do I have to do before you cut me a break, big G? Apparently a whole heck of a lot. Yet, my heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing of your unfailing love forever. I did receive some encouragement today that our prayers are starting to make a dent in the heavenlies. A couple contacted us via our website and began asking questions about our church community. I was blunt and honest about our plant and our intention, and they actually weren't scared away! How cool (and bizarre) is that!!! It has given me renewed vigor to seek and find all those pomos hiding under every rock in this stinking town. (Actually, they're probably all just hung-over from the game)

Well, back to waiting... (and hoping and praying...)

Not enough sleep

Have you ever noticed that when you don't get enough sleep, you can be very crabby but also very sensitive to the world around you? And although you can over-react and not really be yourself, so to speak, it's not necessarily a bad thing. For the past 2 nights, I have gotten very little sleep, like 4 hrs. max each night. (NOTE: with kids, they never really sleep thru the night. It's all a myth. You're exhausted everyday till they're 18, and even then...) My point though is when I get this way, I definitely get crabby, but I also become acutely aware of how I'm feeling. And for me, growing up in an alcoholic home and trained to not show any emotion, it can be extremely intense. Today, the feeling is betrayal -- absolute, I'm-totally-in-shock, never-saw-this-coming BETRAYAL. And of course, it's another Christian, another Disciple, a fellow believer in Christ who I am experiencing this with.

Although this is not the first time I have experienced this type of betrayal, nor am I the first person to experience this type of betrayal (or the last), it still disturbs me. I can't stop thinking about it, dwelling on it, dreaming of revenge... I always want that last final confrontation where I chew the person up, spit them out, and squish them. It plays over and over again in my mind -- my words become quicker, sharper, harsher everytime I have my imaginary final battle.

BUT that's not the way it goes. Nor do I think that's how the Lord wants it to be. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood, Hebrews 12:4 Now, there's the rub. My anxiety is still nothing in comparison to the cross and daydreamingly gloating and seeking vengence IS the same as if doing it. The struggle then comes in releasing my betrayer and blessing them. I then am led to think that if this is this much of a struggle for me, a believer of umpteen years, how harsh the betrayal must feel to someone just beginning his/her spritual journey. I then must cry out, "Father, forgive me and thank you."

Thank God! That he is so much bigger than any church.
Thank God! That he is so much greater than petty jealousy.
Thank God! That his love for me and for you is unfailing.
Thank God! That his mercy is faithful to meet every prayer.
Thank God! That this isn't and will never be how the story ends.

I wonder if it's possible to have a community where trust is given, not earned; freedom is experienced, not theorized; and love sincerely covers a multitude of sins. Then words like "betrayal" wouldn't even exist.

Grace is starting school

I went shopping today for my oldest who is starting Kindergarten. SO UNBELIEVEABLE! The past years have been such a whirlwind, and I've been in the flow of little ones for so long, to have one becoming independent is, well, heartbreaking! I of course started to cry in the dressing room as she tried on her navy jumper and white-peter-pan-collared shirt. Flashbacks of my first years of elementary school when I wore exactly the same thing.

Sending her to school was a difficult decision for me. I still sometimes wonder if homeschooling isn't a better coice, but I struggle with making it all work with two other children much younger and more demanding to tend to. Frankly, my super 3 yr.old is TOTAL BOY and anything "school-like" is a bit challenging for him (so to speak). He, on the other hand, may still be homeschooled. I think I'll get a better sense of that once Grace is gone. UGH! Grace is going to be gone! So wierd...

An Introduction

Hello friends and welcome to my soul. Well, hopefully, I'll share as deeply and sincerely. I invite you to share my thoughts, my dreams, my questions, my rants & ravings... Quite frankly, I'll be sharing whatever the hell I want and you can respond or not.

I'll probably share a great deal about the life lessons I learn thru my kids, a little bit about my marriage, and a whole lotta of my issues with faith. Basically, I'm trying to be an authentic person in this world and 3 little pairs of eyes are watching to see if I'll pull it off each day. Will they do what I say or what I do? If I say I believe in the presence of a supernatural reality possibly breaking thru at any minute, am I living, thinking, and acting that way? Or am I just confusing my children with a feel good fairy tale in hopes they'll grow up and be good, wholesome, productive members of society.

For the record, I wholeheartedly believe in Jesus. And I am passionate about my faith and the church. But as existence rapidly reaches the final crescendo, too many are getting lost in the cracks; too many are unaware of what life CAN be like. Ugh, and that word, church, has become tainted and I believe needs to be rediscovered, redeemed, and, reclaimed. Christ is our gift to accept and if accepted, we, the church, are the gift for the world.

Anyway, perhaps more tomorrow. This was just supposed to be an introduction.