Enter God's kingdom through the narrow gate. The gate is large and the road is wide that lead to death and hell. Many people go that way. But the gate is small and the road is narrow that lead to life. Only a few people find it. (MT.7:13-14, NIrV)
A couple years ago, I started on this personal journey of health that lead me to recalibrate and re-align my focus on pursuing who God intended me to be. As with most journeys, my enthusiasm began to lag about a year or so into it and I fell back into some similar relating patterns and habits. The problem was, I had tasted the freedom that comes with pursuing total health and began to get a glimpse of my true self, that I knew I didn't really fit in those old clothes or patterns anyway. It was a very confusing and at times painful time.
Until recently when my husband began his own journey and began walking in that glorious freedom and health himself. Initially, there was mutual discomfort as our process of molting began, but more and more we've become on the same page and feel ourselves being restored.
This led me to wonder: what if when Jesus referenced the narrow gate in His time and used it as an analogy that His friends understood, that He was speaking of become whole and complete? That we are to surrender our brokenness or our sin or our hurt (however you define that) and let go of those defensive patterns that keep us protected from each other. What if the narrow way is balance and health?
When I think of the concept of the broad way, the large and wide road that leads to death, I think of my selfish impulses; my greed, my anger, my "spoiled-brat" attitude that leads me to isolate. Why do I think of that? Because I see that as integral to my human nature. Not that I wasn't created pure or intended for goodness, but a ALOT of sh*t happens in life. I am slimed and weighed down by it daily. It clouds any hopeful perceptions I might have and blocks the truth of God's love for me.
My inward journey, as my husband's, has been to reconnect my heart to the One who knows me and to pursue His perfect plan for me. It has been a helluva mountain to climb. At every crossroads, I almost always want to run the other way and ignore the "better" choice or healthier pursuit. Ironically, what I'm running from is my own dreams or passions. So, I keep essentially choosing to live fearfully. Why? Because it's easier and it seems to hurt less. I think it hurts less, because disappointment and failure is what I am familiar with; I don't know what it's like to live in abundance or magical expectation anymore. But the truth is, it doesn't hurt less. Like a cancer, it quietly takes over and separates me from others and from my Creator.
So what if, like a balance beam, the narrow way is one small precise step in front of the other within a four inch wide path? What if that's what true health is about - being that clear and concise and direct? When a gymnast loses focus or wavers to the left or right, she falls off the beam. For me, frankly, it would be easier and more comfortable to get off that beam and walk however, wherever, or whenever I want. I'll get there, when I get there. But to stay within that narrow way and in balance, it's.. awkward and even tricky at times.
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