Answered prayers

I always find it amusing how God chooses to answer prayers and work out his plan or purposes in my life. For instance, a distant cousin (by marriage) received news that his sister (in St. Louis) was dying. He traveled there (from Waupaca) in time to see her still alive and spend some treasured moment with her before she died. While there, he had a heart attack, underwent quintuple bypass surgery and is rehabbing in a nursing home in St. Louis. He has no family with him in Waupaca, so if the attack would have occurred there, he very well could be dead along w/ his sis. But he was in St. Louis with extended family who were able to get him the care he needs.

In my life, I've been battling with my husband & personal demons over the reality of my discontent. My heart's prayer has been for over a month now that God would get to the core and heal me; so that I can feel him alive in my life and appreciate the people in my life to the fullest. There's been a lot of grief felt for years of a wasted life and anger at people who I blame as the source -- of course they're not, but I like having a target. I guess it's good to release it; stuffing it hasn't really been working. Ironically though, I really struggle with trusting people and the soul searching I have to do is forcing me to be publicly vulnerable. I feel so stupid though because I feel so numb & disconnected.

Anyway, things have gotten so intense that they're finally spilling out. The cat's out of the bag & people are starting to notice how jacked up I am (or so I presume). So I'm forced to lay it all bare. The question still lingers though in my mind: will they honestly be able to handle it all when it comes out? That's the deepest fear, isn't it? Who's left when it's all said & done? That's the problem with all this faith in Jesus stuff -- you gotta die on a cross before you get that new life.