So, I've been such a slacker with blogging. Of course, I wasn't even sure if anyone read this stuff other than me... I'm such a people pleaser! Life has been interesting now that I've returned to work. Granted, it's only 2 days a week and it's in ministry, but it's taken awhile for our family to adjust. And I'm still not totally into the swing of things. Example: I let the kids and myself play "hookie" today. We're just constantly running it seems and I can tell they're getting worn out and that's code for getting sick. We needed a sabbath day. Unfortunately in a life consumed with ministry and God, that often gets overlooked. Plus, you put in my total lacksadaisical (sp?) attitude... it takes me forever to accomplish anything it seems. Take the kitchen floor -- it's disgusting. I haven't scrubbed it in easily 2 if not 3 months. I know, gross, right? I'd rather just hang out though and relax with my kids.
Anyway, 2005 has proved itself to be a true year of grace and promise. We went and bought ourselves a house the other day. So amazing... God's provided the downpayment and we're approved for a wheda loan (1st time homebuyers) and WE are going to actually own an abode. I'm still freaking out. June 23 we close -- I think I'll believe it then.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
call me chaplain?
I've suddenly become a grown up at 35! I can't believe I have a real job suddenly with stuff like 401k and after x hours, I'm vested. I'm not even sure what the hell that all means, but there sure is some sense of urgency to save my pennies for a rainy day.
Seriously though, I've been hired by a local hospital as a pastoral care associate (chaplain). Although somewhat daunting working for the healthcare industry, the ministry opportunities are amazing. I witnessed today my first POA (power of attorney); specifically a "Living Will." It was so intense and powerful. The authority in this man's voice to know and choose how he would die was just amazing. I actually began to get a bit emotional at the thought of so nearly touching death. Powerful and intense are the only words I can find.
Then later, after some tedious paperwork, I was able to go out and introduce myself to some families waiting for news about loved ones. It was like riding a bike. You see, prior to my eldest's entrance into this world, I worked full time in ministry. Wasn't sure if I was cut out for it; but after getting this job, and especially after today, I can't help but minister. I can't help but share God's love and hope and peace. I just can't help myself and it feels good getting back into it.
Anyway, sorry I haven't written in ages. I'm hoping to improve now. Blessings...
Seriously though, I've been hired by a local hospital as a pastoral care associate (chaplain). Although somewhat daunting working for the healthcare industry, the ministry opportunities are amazing. I witnessed today my first POA (power of attorney); specifically a "Living Will." It was so intense and powerful. The authority in this man's voice to know and choose how he would die was just amazing. I actually began to get a bit emotional at the thought of so nearly touching death. Powerful and intense are the only words I can find.
Then later, after some tedious paperwork, I was able to go out and introduce myself to some families waiting for news about loved ones. It was like riding a bike. You see, prior to my eldest's entrance into this world, I worked full time in ministry. Wasn't sure if I was cut out for it; but after getting this job, and especially after today, I can't help but minister. I can't help but share God's love and hope and peace. I just can't help myself and it feels good getting back into it.
Anyway, sorry I haven't written in ages. I'm hoping to improve now. Blessings...
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Patience
Patience. Funny thing about this fruit is how freegin impossible it is to have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Earlier this year, I was spending A LOT of time in the Old Testament, specifically in Ezekiel. I know, light stuff. Anyway, I was really blown away by the amount of time life took several millennia ago and the amount of time people spent waiting on God and the amount of time He took to respond. Little did I know how quickly my patience would be tried during the second half of the year.
I've had a strong sense for awhile now, that God was about to move in a big way in my life and this church plant. Physically, what I have seen and what I have experienced has been the complete opposite. People leaving, gossiping about us, trying to detroy us, or at least my husband; and this little community shrinking to 8 including my 3 kids. Yet still I hear the same message, the same command: PRAY & HOPE & WAIT; PRAY & HOPE & WAIT; IT'S COMING!
Then I question, what exactly is IT and really, how much nagging do I have to do before you cut me a break, big G? Apparently a whole heck of a lot. Yet, my heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing of your unfailing love forever. I did receive some encouragement today that our prayers are starting to make a dent in the heavenlies. A couple contacted us via our website and began asking questions about our church community. I was blunt and honest about our plant and our intention, and they actually weren't scared away! How cool (and bizarre) is that!!! It has given me renewed vigor to seek and find all those pomos hiding under every rock in this stinking town. (Actually, they're probably all just hung-over from the game)
Well, back to waiting... (and hoping and praying...)
I've had a strong sense for awhile now, that God was about to move in a big way in my life and this church plant. Physically, what I have seen and what I have experienced has been the complete opposite. People leaving, gossiping about us, trying to detroy us, or at least my husband; and this little community shrinking to 8 including my 3 kids. Yet still I hear the same message, the same command: PRAY & HOPE & WAIT; PRAY & HOPE & WAIT; IT'S COMING!
Then I question, what exactly is IT and really, how much nagging do I have to do before you cut me a break, big G? Apparently a whole heck of a lot. Yet, my heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing of your unfailing love forever. I did receive some encouragement today that our prayers are starting to make a dent in the heavenlies. A couple contacted us via our website and began asking questions about our church community. I was blunt and honest about our plant and our intention, and they actually weren't scared away! How cool (and bizarre) is that!!! It has given me renewed vigor to seek and find all those pomos hiding under every rock in this stinking town. (Actually, they're probably all just hung-over from the game)
Well, back to waiting... (and hoping and praying...)
Friday, August 20, 2004
Not enough sleep
Have you ever noticed that when you don't get enough sleep, you can be very crabby but also very sensitive to the world around you? And although you can over-react and not really be yourself, so to speak, it's not necessarily a bad thing. For the past 2 nights, I have gotten very little sleep, like 4 hrs. max each night. (NOTE: with kids, they never really sleep thru the night. It's all a myth. You're exhausted everyday till they're 18, and even then...) My point though is when I get this way, I definitely get crabby, but I also become acutely aware of how I'm feeling. And for me, growing up in an alcoholic home and trained to not show any emotion, it can be extremely intense. Today, the feeling is betrayal -- absolute, I'm-totally-in-shock, never-saw-this-coming BETRAYAL. And of course, it's another Christian, another Disciple, a fellow believer in Christ who I am experiencing this with.
Although this is not the first time I have experienced this type of betrayal, nor am I the first person to experience this type of betrayal (or the last), it still disturbs me. I can't stop thinking about it, dwelling on it, dreaming of revenge... I always want that last final confrontation where I chew the person up, spit them out, and squish them. It plays over and over again in my mind -- my words become quicker, sharper, harsher everytime I have my imaginary final battle.
BUT that's not the way it goes. Nor do I think that's how the Lord wants it to be. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood, Hebrews 12:4 Now, there's the rub. My anxiety is still nothing in comparison to the cross and daydreamingly gloating and seeking vengence IS the same as if doing it. The struggle then comes in releasing my betrayer and blessing them. I then am led to think that if this is this much of a struggle for me, a believer of umpteen years, how harsh the betrayal must feel to someone just beginning his/her spritual journey. I then must cry out, "Father, forgive me and thank you."
Thank God! That he is so much bigger than any church.
Thank God! That he is so much greater than petty jealousy.
Thank God! That his love for me and for you is unfailing.
Thank God! That his mercy is faithful to meet every prayer.
Thank God! That this isn't and will never be how the story ends.
I wonder if it's possible to have a community where trust is given, not earned; freedom is experienced, not theorized; and love sincerely covers a multitude of sins. Then words like "betrayal" wouldn't even exist.
Although this is not the first time I have experienced this type of betrayal, nor am I the first person to experience this type of betrayal (or the last), it still disturbs me. I can't stop thinking about it, dwelling on it, dreaming of revenge... I always want that last final confrontation where I chew the person up, spit them out, and squish them. It plays over and over again in my mind -- my words become quicker, sharper, harsher everytime I have my imaginary final battle.
BUT that's not the way it goes. Nor do I think that's how the Lord wants it to be. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood, Hebrews 12:4 Now, there's the rub. My anxiety is still nothing in comparison to the cross and daydreamingly gloating and seeking vengence IS the same as if doing it. The struggle then comes in releasing my betrayer and blessing them. I then am led to think that if this is this much of a struggle for me, a believer of umpteen years, how harsh the betrayal must feel to someone just beginning his/her spritual journey. I then must cry out, "Father, forgive me and thank you."
Thank God! That he is so much bigger than any church.
Thank God! That he is so much greater than petty jealousy.
Thank God! That his love for me and for you is unfailing.
Thank God! That his mercy is faithful to meet every prayer.
Thank God! That this isn't and will never be how the story ends.
I wonder if it's possible to have a community where trust is given, not earned; freedom is experienced, not theorized; and love sincerely covers a multitude of sins. Then words like "betrayal" wouldn't even exist.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Grace is starting school
I went shopping today for my oldest who is starting Kindergarten. SO UNBELIEVEABLE! The past years have been such a whirlwind, and I've been in the flow of little ones for so long, to have one becoming independent is, well, heartbreaking! I of course started to cry in the dressing room as she tried on her navy jumper and white-peter-pan-collared shirt. Flashbacks of my first years of elementary school when I wore exactly the same thing.
Sending her to school was a difficult decision for me. I still sometimes wonder if homeschooling isn't a better coice, but I struggle with making it all work with two other children much younger and more demanding to tend to. Frankly, my super 3 yr.old is TOTAL BOY and anything "school-like" is a bit challenging for him (so to speak). He, on the other hand, may still be homeschooled. I think I'll get a better sense of that once Grace is gone. UGH! Grace is going to be gone! So wierd...
Sending her to school was a difficult decision for me. I still sometimes wonder if homeschooling isn't a better coice, but I struggle with making it all work with two other children much younger and more demanding to tend to. Frankly, my super 3 yr.old is TOTAL BOY and anything "school-like" is a bit challenging for him (so to speak). He, on the other hand, may still be homeschooled. I think I'll get a better sense of that once Grace is gone. UGH! Grace is going to be gone! So wierd...
Sunday, August 15, 2004
An Introduction
Hello friends and welcome to my soul. Well, hopefully, I'll share as deeply and sincerely. I invite you to share my thoughts, my dreams, my questions, my rants & ravings... Quite frankly, I'll be sharing whatever the hell I want and you can respond or not.
I'll probably share a great deal about the life lessons I learn thru my kids, a little bit about my marriage, and a whole lotta of my issues with faith. Basically, I'm trying to be an authentic person in this world and 3 little pairs of eyes are watching to see if I'll pull it off each day. Will they do what I say or what I do? If I say I believe in the presence of a supernatural reality possibly breaking thru at any minute, am I living, thinking, and acting that way? Or am I just confusing my children with a feel good fairy tale in hopes they'll grow up and be good, wholesome, productive members of society.
For the record, I wholeheartedly believe in Jesus. And I am passionate about my faith and the church. But as existence rapidly reaches the final crescendo, too many are getting lost in the cracks; too many are unaware of what life CAN be like. Ugh, and that word, church, has become tainted and I believe needs to be rediscovered, redeemed, and, reclaimed. Christ is our gift to accept and if accepted, we, the church, are the gift for the world.
Anyway, perhaps more tomorrow. This was just supposed to be an introduction.
I'll probably share a great deal about the life lessons I learn thru my kids, a little bit about my marriage, and a whole lotta of my issues with faith. Basically, I'm trying to be an authentic person in this world and 3 little pairs of eyes are watching to see if I'll pull it off each day. Will they do what I say or what I do? If I say I believe in the presence of a supernatural reality possibly breaking thru at any minute, am I living, thinking, and acting that way? Or am I just confusing my children with a feel good fairy tale in hopes they'll grow up and be good, wholesome, productive members of society.
For the record, I wholeheartedly believe in Jesus. And I am passionate about my faith and the church. But as existence rapidly reaches the final crescendo, too many are getting lost in the cracks; too many are unaware of what life CAN be like. Ugh, and that word, church, has become tainted and I believe needs to be rediscovered, redeemed, and, reclaimed. Christ is our gift to accept and if accepted, we, the church, are the gift for the world.
Anyway, perhaps more tomorrow. This was just supposed to be an introduction.
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