I despise when I feel I'm being judged. Aside from the obvious reasons... it really causes me to second guess and criticize myself in true OCD fashion. And I'm just not sure that's healthy. It always whammies me in a way that brings me back to that little chubby girl who was just a little too loud, a little too silly, a little too odd (frankly) for appropriate neighbors to allow in their house to play with their little darlings. So then I question and scrutinize every action and word and dwell in the land of regret and "dammit, why couldn't I have..."
I wonder if men go thru this...
I wonder if anyone other than a melodramatic hag as myself goes thru this...
9 comments:
nope... just you....
j/k
l.
You know I do the same thing. And between you me and the wall...I was that little girl as well..who was too loud..too chubby...too odd. I can so relate. I try to let myself off the hook..but I am pretty hard on myself.
I was annoying, loud, obnoxious, indiscrete, swore like a drunk, and was all around a bad influence of a young girl from a welfare cheese lovin' family. I'm there with you. and I do the same thing. I feel like someone's decision about me or my actions is a stamp on my character. it takes a while to shake it off and get recentered in my God's, Husband's, son's, family, and close friend's love for me in all my imperfections. you're certainly not alone. =)
I know just what you mean. At work we get to send feedback to help out someone makes a mistake on a pol.(which is a really good thing) Everytime I get a piece of feed back it feels like people are judging me. Every piece of feedback brings me back to my childhood where I did not fit into anything.
I am learning not to be so hard on myself, and not take things as serously, but there are times when it is still hard to do.
What is judgement anyway? Someone ELSE'S view of what they deem as the standard. How is that standard built and developed? It seems if I break down the source of criticism, it's easier to sift if I want to receive it. There can always be a nugget of truth in a pile of shit, but how much do you want to wade through?
God's standard is our "banner", our protection, but also our sieve. Those well-meant, or bitter, or angry words of judgement or perceived judgement should be sifted through God'd love. If everybody has access to the core of how we view ourselves, it can be unhealthy. Some poor soul who has "known" you for 10 seconds can slap-dash a judgement that is false - and you could allow it to rock you offf of your foundation. It is YOUR CHOICE.
Whew - little soapbox. ;)
OK one nore thought before my kids stage a coup - the broader deeper point may be... Do you know what is true about yourself? Brings the judgements to the plumbline of truth- what is false will naturally be crooked and can be discarded. then you will be wiser and tougher for the effort.
Absolutely correct...thanks for the additional insight. Sometimes, I think we automatically assume that judgement is and always will be negative...but Beth, you have this beautiful gift of turning lemons into lemonade....I am so blessed to have someone like you in my life to remind me that what I think is a pile of "shit" might actually turn into something good...even beautiful!
damn! i married up!
wooo!
l.
OH sistaaa...so been there, done that.
I just ask the Lord to reveal whatever truth there is for me in the critique, and then the stinging will disapear right after that and I realize there was no truth present. Sometimes the larger thing I need to work on is revealed because of a lesser critique...hate it when that happens! lol
If I do the whole, "If anything in this is of Satan, I cast you out...and whatever is from Jesus, please reveal its Truth to me..." prayer...it usually helps sift the chunks of crap out of the kitty litter.lol...
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